Everyday, stories of husbands beating up their wives mercilessly abound. They posit it's done to put some real senses into their stubborn heads. These shameless men also believed there can never be two equal masters in the same house.
Sadly, these women had to endure these abusive relationships, putting up with different forms of domestic and physical abuses. Perhaps, these women are in it because of their children, maybe because they love the man or because they're certain that someday, he'll change. Yet, nothing improves; nothing changes.
There is this notions and misconceptions; this backward and forward debates between the male versus the female superiority complex: the gender debate to put it more succinctly. There's also this archaic belief that the male is supposed to be the head of the home while the female is supposed to be the neck.
Some shameless men had begun to abuse this notions and misconceptions. They see it as an opportunity to maltreat these poor and vulnerable women. Unfortunately, a lot of them have ended up in untimely graves.
Some in psychiatric homes and others, slaves. They're scared that if they try to leave the marriage or provide some damning reports to the Police authorities, the abusive husband will hunt and deal with them.
Furthermore, we've heard stories of women losing their lives on a daily basis. The stories of two men come to mind- the story of Kolade Arowolo, a 30-year-old man who was alleged to have murdered his banker-wife. He claimed he did it in self-defense. Another alleged case was that of a dock worker, Olalekan Shonde, a 51-year-old, who brutally killed his wife in the Egbeda area of Lagos, Nigeria. He denied killing her. These're just few cases of wife battery perpetuated by men in our societies.
Perhaps, something serious needs to be done or maybe a lot of these men need help somehow: psychological or otherwise. Some of them are suffering in silence and they've no one to confide in. They should be bold enough to come out and seek help instead of bottling it up until it spew out of control; until they do the unthinkable.
There're various women non-governmental organizations (NGOs) catering for helpless women. These NGOs are doing their best even without individual or government supports. But these domestic/physical abuses still rages on.
Strategically, women who suffer domestic and physical abuses should come together, form a bond; somewhat like support groups where they share ideas on how they can support and protect themselves against such acts. When they're in such places, abused women can find comfort and hope when others - who've had such predicaments in the past - share their problems.
These experienced women should also talk about how they were able to come out of it successfully. Again, they benefit a lot when someone from an NGO, affiliated to domestic-and -physical-abused issues comes forward to give advice as well. Or they can organize a conference where they invite these NGOs to give a talk on such salient topic.
Now, how do you spot a wife beater?
1. They've anger issues
When a man is always prone to outburst without any justifiable cause, know that he'll raise his hand(s) someday to hit you. Men are less emotional beings than women so the only way they can express themselves is through shouting or throwing tantrums. Probably, these men have issues that have piled up for months or years. These issues could have forced its way to the forefront when the nervous system couldn't tolerate it any longer. It's like a balloon bursting to shred when it has gotten to its limit. What should be done? The men should be subjected to counseling either from their Pastor Imams, or an experienced psychiatrist.
2. They've inferiority complex
Any man who raises his hand to hit his wife is a coward. He has an inferiority complex. No matter what a woman does to you, you shouldn't make her your punching bag. When a man can't take advise from his wife, then something is amiss somewhere. Some men always want to dominate.
3. When they avoid you like a plague
When a man is always avoiding you, know that all isn't well. If you're the talking type who like to bother him, please stop it. He might be going through some emotional issues. Instead, inquire from him why he's in such foul mood. Pamper him like a baby, massage him gently and dig deeper into the many reason(s) he's isolating himself. Men are compassionate too. But if you go the wrong way, you might provoke him to hit you. Most of the issues bothering him might be from the office environment, from traffic gridlocks, or from crazy drivers.
4. He might be considering a divorce
The first sign you notice from him, apart from isolating you is that a divorce matter could be beclouding his sense of reasoning. Sometimes, he doesn't eat the food you cook. He comes home late at night and he's always on the phone 24/7 chatting with his girlfriends. Because he doesn't know how to pass his issues across, the best he could do is to either punch, slap or worse, manhandle you.
5. You're not good in bed
Ladies, you see, we men love to explore. If you don't give him what he wants, he'll avoid you and look for somebody else who can satisfy him real good. Some young girls who're adventurous will give him what he wants. These little devils are super-pro. Then he starts keeping late nights. He starts spending the money meant for home on these girls. Your children's school fees will remain pending. Meanwhile, he's spending all the money meant for house keep on his concubines
6. He's always intoxicated
When he starts getting drunk, something he doesn't do before, please know that there's an issue bothering him. He gets home, his shirt is rumpled and stinking like a sewage tank. Eyes as crimson as zobo drink. He has foul mouth odor. Then you question him where he's coming from. He gets provoked; slaps and abuses you. Perhaps, something deep inside has been bothering him which you fail to notice.
7. He's psychologically imbalance
Stress might be one of the reason he's hitting you. The stress would've degenerated into something beyond his control. He needs help ASAP. Let him see a doctor (psychiatrist) who'll evaluate him thoroughly and recommends the right therapy. Although his ego wouldn't allow him to admit his psychological challenges, you need to persuade him. If he refuses, get the assistance of an elderly person, probably his parents, uncle or aunt. Anybody he respects a lot.
8. They don't admit their faults
Abusive men don't always admit their faults. They feel they're always right. Therefore, they'll beat up you when you try to correct their mistakes. Men who're egoistic are very hard to bend and plead. They don't respect women. They don't value their wives warnings and advice. They see women as trash who should be disposed as at when due. Men who beat women to a pulp are in that category. They're good men outside but terrible husbands at home. Such men can do and undo.
9. They've friends just like them
Birds of the same feather flock together. This expression might sound cliche, but that's the perfect words I can use to describe men like that. They congregate at a particular spot and discuss anything under the skirts. These men are womanizers. They've different sets, shades and sizes of girlfriends.
10. They're ungodly
Men who beat their wives are ungodly. They don't go to church on Sundays. They don't pray with their families and they don't want to have anything that has to do with the preaching of the gospel. Anytime a man of God comes to share the words of God, they've one form of excuses or the other to give. These men don't have the fear of God in them. It only takes the grace of God to pull such men from the dark pit to His presence. They don't respect women especially their wives. What women with such husbands should do is continue to put them in prayers. Commit them to His hands. Pray and fast. With God all thing are possible.
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